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Post by blskis1 on Mar 29, 2013 13:57:58 GMT -5
Hello Those of you that may not of read or may of forgotten until JUST NOW! I took on the Gamer name BLSK 20 years ago almost, whom actually is a character is a Book Series I hope someday maybe published. I am 27 years old so i started out young in both games and writing. On top of that though I enjoy Writing... In the last decade I haven't done much but I want to get back on the bandwagon. I may even share with you guys if you may like WELL NOW IS THE TIME!!!!!!!!!...sorta...haven't worked on it much in the last 2 months....so many things with real world affairs and server affairs and even side affairs has stolen me from one thing I love....  but i though i would post it for now.... Click on Picture to go to Story  |
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Post by mcdermott1 on Mar 29, 2013 14:02:44 GMT -5
Nice job! I'll have to read some of this myself once I get the spare time. But it's nice to know you found some time in order to work on this. Plus, on a non-related note: You're a Junior Member now, so be happy, lol.
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Post by blskis1 on Mar 29, 2013 14:04:42 GMT -5
as i said most of it was over a month ago...I havent worked on it much in the last 2 months.....but i know some of my FB friends were looking forward to checking it out a while back but been so busy keep forgetting but finally have.....going to work on it hopefully more after Map is finish.....
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eria8
Junior Member
Posts: 68 
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Post by eria8 on Mar 29, 2013 14:15:37 GMT -5
I never saw that. It's a very interesting story/concept lol. Some advice, writer to writer, never stop writing! "Not working on it too much in the past two months," is not good.  Write every day, not matter how busy you are. I look forward to reading more of this |
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Post by blskis1 on Mar 29, 2013 16:07:52 GMT -5
lol it isn't like 1 2 3 base on me....plus when a person is younger words don't flow as complexly as should be done...but yeah business gets to a person
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Post by mcdermott1 on Mar 29, 2013 16:15:31 GMT -5
Hopefully you'll get more free time to work on this a bit more then. I'm not a writer myself so I wouldn't be able to empathize with you two on this topic.
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Post by catolina on Mar 29, 2013 16:50:17 GMT -5
This is great! Could use some more editing but as far as content goes its enthralling. Trying not to give spoilers but, I got to the part where (from the reader's perspective) they meet. I guess that is a little bit of a spoiler but not too much.
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Post by blskis1 on Mar 29, 2013 17:45:53 GMT -5
lol they meet....cute yes they meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...yes and it would only get better since that is only about half way through chapter 1.....but yes I have reread things here an dthere and know some grammer mistakes....it happens....and of course further you go the more that do appear since takes time to correct stuff.....but people that base their Opinions(from anything I have seen) on say Grammer/mistyping are thing that erk me....that in most respects only in the finalizing... but yeah its a peek so far into it till more gets done after all
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Post by davidkkz on Mar 30, 2013 15:26:59 GMT -5
This is great! Could use some more editing but as far as content goes its enthralling. Trying not to give spoilers but, I got to the part where (from the reader's perspective) they meet. I guess that is a little bit of a spoiler but not too much. I agree with catolina, if I don't like the first page, knowing I could spend time doing my own work, I won't read the rest. But I will give a few examples of what could be improved from what I have read, which isn't much at all... Too many problems in grammar, spelling, or lack of sophistication usually gives me a headache trying to put everything together. Things like:White…Everywhere, (missing a space)
No textures, no specs, (what?)
In the distance, if it is not a wall, WHITE. (why did this need to be capitalized?)
Was it a joke, someone was doing by painting a room with flawless white paint. (This sentence doesn't make sense, I believe the comma goes after "doing" and then it would)
Then again, its obvious there is no doors or windows. (it's obvious there are no doors or windows)
Also, why does the first chapter, which is chapter V??, start halfway down a page full of ... well words and such I don't care about...
I can't and won't read on because I know my replies on it will be upsetting... So I will just say that one day you should go back over it and try to rework it like catolina said. Here is how I'd do the first paragraph..
My Example:
White…There was white everywhere. Everything around was white; no textures, no specs(whatever this means), only white. In the distance, all that the eye could see, it was all white. What was this odd place? Was it a joke? Did someone use flawless white paint and paint the entire room? (I didn't even know the person was in the room from the starting sentences). There are no doors.. no windows.. not even a knob or latch to give the room definition. Blah blah blah blah... such and such.
I hope this does not offend you too much, as I know I'd feel offended in the slightest, but if you want it to be a great story... Try to go over it and make it better. |
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Post by blskis1 on Mar 30, 2013 15:57:06 GMT -5
well starting from the bottom:
Chapter V(1): being halfway down page
Its a bug with The MSword app on the site...i don't understand why it happens but it does. I have used the Program long enough to know it and though it seems like I goofed up in that aspect i have attempted to put it on a new Page. Even paragraphs further will influence the ones before.
yes I know after rereading it yesterday I had such mistakes as is where are should be and yes It's stuff to work on XD 9/10 stories get edited greatly before 'finalized' so your mistaken in your thoughts that it would be upsetting...
my grammar isn't necessarily as brilliant as another. Anyways books in there earlier lives would be malfunctioned
at the very bottom: I have gone over it multiple times XD....I almost could resit it(ok not really) Some of the grammar is mostly right but yes...errors do crop up on many things....The room is a Metaphor also...It might even be prudent to take it out....I feel it feels as why I placed it thus. but yeah got other things to do....
don't feel discouraged cause it isn't your writing...if you feel you may have some grammar insight i would enjoy knowing...anyways as said got things to do....
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but i though i would post it for now....
Write every day, not matter how busy you are. I look forward to reading more of this 
